PUNRISE, PUNSET - Your source for tons of pun!

Google screw up spawns PUNS!!

2006-01-04T13:50:00.000-08:00

I posted this on my blog last week...Google News screwed up (as they occasionally do) with their photos not matching the story. Here's what they initially ran:

So, this mis-match of The Who to a Bird Flu story sent my brain off on a pun tangent:

Lesser know songs by The Who:

Won't Get Flu Again
Behind Flu Eyes
Flu Together
The Kids Are All Sick
Bird Flu Reign O'er Me
Boris the Spider... who happens to be afflicted with bird flu.
So Sad About Flu
A Quick Flu While He's Away
Early Morning Cold Flu
Summertime Flu's
Who Are Flu
Flu Better Flu Bet
Phlemball Wizard
Tommy Can You Inoculate Me?

posted by [Drue]

a dong time

2005-10-20T01:41:00.000-07:00

it started out as someone using the word dong. we quickly went to movie puns.

dong of the dead
dong with the wind
dongtown and z-boys
lords of dongtown
red dong
dong and donger
donkey dong

trust me, there were more. it quickly degenerated into this:

indiana jones and the temple of dong
kindergarten dong
scent of a dong
donging to america
american history dong
child's dong
problem dong
dong anything
better off dong
one crazy dong
sixteen dongs
dong guns
the man who would be dong
lethal dong
hoop dongs
big dong, little china
beverly hills dong
ben-dong
say anydong
weekend at dongie's
another 48 dongs

etc...

if you know of a movie title, we donged it tonight.

No Can Doo

2005-09-13T14:42:00.000-07:00

pun at the zoo

2005-09-10T10:42:00.000-07:00

both overheard and made up on the spot (imagine the really bad ones being said by a dad in dockers pushing a stroller or his wife tracking the five year old who is running up ahead.):

you lied, so you're a lion.
well, you cheated, so you're a cheetah.
absolute pandamonium.
i'm going to the store to get some pandaphanilia.
hot piece of octopussy.
the heat is unbearable.
[long haired orangutan] look! it's a rastatan.
they should rename it hippopootamus.

Glazed And Confused: The Donut Post!

2005-08-31T23:30:00.000-07:00

The More Donuts, The Batter
Dunkin-g Of The Hill
I Donut Know If I Want To Pay $1 For 5 Munchkins
She Kicked Him Right In Donuts
The Carnagie Jelly
In Glaze of Others
Glazed And Confused
Philosopher Machiajelly
Tower of Powder
I Paint With Oil Crullers
My Shirt is So Old it’s Dis-Crullered
My Girlfriend Fried to Me About Not Cheating!
Come Fry With Me / Come Fry / Let’s Fry Awayyyyy
Mariah Carey film: Fritter
I Had a Rough Day, I’m ex-Frosted!
Cake On Through to the other Fried
Some These Puns are Crumb-y

I Éclair This Post is OVER!

Posted by [Drue] inspired by [Michelle]

Overshlock dot com

2005-08-29T07:57:00.000-07:00

A reader submits the following, a skin care product set seen at Overstock.com:

Get oily or problem skin under control with EnhanceMe's 3-piece skin care kit, the perfect path to a smooth and healthy complexion.
Foam Here to Eternity Foaming Salicylic Cleanser (4 oz.)
A foaming, therapeutic salicylic cleansing gel for oily and problem-prone skin types
Dissolves dirt and secretions
Delivers maximum allowable salicylic acid concentration
Twilight Tone BHA Toner (4 oz.)
Contains Beta-Hydroxy acid
Helps control oily and acne-prone skin
Acts as a mild exfoliant
Oil-free formula contains
Contains Salicylic Acid
Contains natural astringents witch hazel extract and eucalyptus oil
Bringin' in the Rain Oil-Free Hydrating Moisturizer (2 oz.)
Oil-free, fragrance-free moisturizer
Hydrates, moisturizes, and nourishes the skin without adding oil
Contains skin-texturizing Beta-Glucaderm
Due to the personal nature of this product, this item is not returnable.

Thanks to Lindsay for the heads up.

Two and I'm out

2005-07-13T12:34:00.000-07:00

1.) Overcooked linguini is a real faux pasta.
2.) This magic trick's "TA-DAH" for!

Love forever,
Chelsea

WE GOTTA BREAK THE SILENCE WITH A SHORT, IM-COMPLETE POST!

2005-06-29T22:37:00.000-07:00

Feel free to use these young pups in your chats with your buddies on the internet aka www:*

IMsane in the membrane
Sam IM
im the closet
ScIMtology (topical!)
IMpossible to predict
IMportant issue (includes: my boss is being a douche, I'm hungry, I'm majorly bored! Etc.).
IM who IM

and of course: IM nothing without u

These wordplays are hurting--someone---CALL AN IM-BULANCE!

*Just kidding, 12 readers. Don't use them. All puns and wordplay copyright punrisepunset 2005.

MAC-SIMUM OVERDRIVE

2005-05-11T13:15:00.000-07:00

ITOONCES THE DRIVING CAT

FOR ADDED AMUSEMENT

IPODESTRIANS

MAC THAT THANG UP!

BEST OS X EVER

AND IN THE "PHONING IT IN" CATEGORY......

Fromage to You: The Cheese Post

2005-04-19T19:29:00.000-07:00

Let me SHRED some light on the subject of cheese...

I fell off my bike and broke my Parm.
I'm gonna sit right down and write myself a Cheddar.
Herman Muenster
The bank denied me for a Provolone.
I Dream of Ciligiene.
To Brie, or not to Brie...that is the cheese question!
Ricotta get going!
Just in Queso.
Cherve-11
We Gouda get outta this place...
I was skinny dipping and everyone saw my Camabert-ass!
Hey! Don't get Fraiche with me, mister!
Janet Pecorino looks like a man.
Baseball Great Reggiano Jackson
Cheesus Christ!
In Gruyere 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue...
I Feta not have another, I'm driving.
Now I'm typing in a different Fontal
Dad said you have to rake the Yarg.
She's Cheddar off without him...
I Swiss you when you are away.
Halloumi back, y'all!!
Cow shit is sometimes called Manouri.
Asiago dead people!
Ewe Bleu It!!
There's Stiltons of rubble to be removed.
Jack is feeling Scrumpy today.
We fight - Romano e Romano!

Maybe I can Wedge in a few more here.....

You are the Cheese Knees!
Rolling Stone publisher, Parmesan Wenner
You Havarti the most beautiful eyes.
Stephen King is a little Morbier in his writing style.
You have the Brie to my heart.
Ed McMahon (oh crap that's how he actually spells it!)
Fontina Yothers played Jennifer Keaton on Family Ties
Fromage to Eternity

I Butter quit, I'm running out here.....

...GOD.....that was Grating!

posted by Drue!

birch inspired pundemonium

2005-04-05T00:43:00.000-07:00

life's a birch and then you die.
birchinia woolf
are you just browsing or are you going to birchase that?
birchandise
yes ma'm will it be the flounder or the birch?
woman gives birch to quintuplets!
birch you talkin' bout, willis?!
sea birchin
bir-chelsea, it's cold.
chelsea has a tasty birchina.
birchard pryor.
richmond, birchinia
bircheoning career in the music industry.
birch you bite a chip!
birch john paul II.
this door is stuck. i can't even get it to birch.
i was just reading the obirchuaries. so sad.
70 birchins in heaven.

by chelsea and guest punblogger john.

Hadda Cobbler

2005-03-18T11:28:00.000-08:00

I was just ripped off by a shifty eyed cobbler who charged me 45 dollars to re-heel two pairs of shoes, and put 3 stitches in a moccassin. Shoe oughta know better, his smile leered. Clearly I can't sandal the truth, and got stuck with a re-pair-man who slide to me. I shoed be pumped about the fix, but my tongue was hanging out in sock as I left the store. What a heel, I am. Mule have to forgive me.

"Drue are the Sunshine of My Life..."

2005-03-14T07:14:00.000-08:00

Chelsea: My kid drue me this picture.
Chelsea: I drue the shortest straw.
Michelle: He drue the blinds and hypnotized me with a slow and erotic dance...
Chelsea: I'm drue-ling over you!
Michelle: Roses are red, violets are drue we at the pun blog really miss drue!
Chelsea: Drue Barrymore
Michelle: J. Drue
Chelsea: Druely Yours....
Michelle: Taming of the Drue
Michelle: A-Drue! God bless Drue!
Chelsea: My breasts are drue-py
Michelle: Don't be Drue-l
Chelsea: I challenge you to a dreul!
Chelsea: Druelling for oil
Michelle: Druella Deville
Chelsea: Drue-ids
Chelsea: Drue me a favor.
Chelsea: Drue unto others...
Michelle: Roto-Druetor
Chelsea: Your library book is past drue!
Chelsea: Paying your drues.
Michelle: The Drueman Show is on
Chelsea: i feel re-drue-venated!
Michelle: Drue you! I seen him first!
Chelsea: You've clearly got a coupla drue's loose!
Michelle: Drue's Cannon
Chelsea: I d-rue the day I met you....
Michelle: Happy Birthday to DRUE!
Chelsea: Mommy, why is the sky drue?
Michelle: Momy, I made drue-drue in my pants
Chelsea: Druein it and druein it and druein it well (I represent queens she was raised out in brooklyn)
Michelle: This is how we Drue it!
Chelsea: Shoobay, DRUE, sho sho shoobay DRUE
Michelle: My Drue Dads
Chelsea: Tell me the drueth, do you love me?
Michelle: Drue-de looks like a lady
Chelsea: I feel sick.....ew....I just Drue up!
Chelsea: Drue know what I mean!
Michelle: Drue read me!
Chelsea:drue need to shut up!
Michelle: stop being so drue-de
Chelsea: Drue don't know the half of it!
Michelle: so drue me
Chelsea: What'd you drue last night?
Michelle: whoop-de-drue

If it ain't BOKEN---DON'T FIX IT.

2005-02-18T17:29:00.001-08:00

Hello all, Chelsea here. Fellow blogger Adam Wade lives in Hoboken. He refers to the area constantly as "Boken". What follows is our IM pun session:

CHELSEA: if it ain't BOKEN---DON'T FIX IT
CHELSEA: heartboken
WADE: stuck stroken in boken
that's not a pun though
right?
CHELSEA: absolutely not
WADE: sorry
okokok
tough
CHELSEA: Boken Hearts Club Band
CHELSEA: Subway doesn't take bokens anymore
CHELSEA: I love boken word poetry!
CHELSEA: My car was boken down by the side of the rode!
WADE: pants are boken wet
CHELSEA: boken like a true wordsmith!
CHELSEA: boKen and Barbie
WADE: i eat boken-bits with my salads
CHELSEA: isn't it funny that we've never boken on the phone?
CHELSEA: i was running so fast, man--i was boken!
CHELSEA: A good story has a strong bokenning and end
CHELSEA: to keep my books from flopping over i use bokens

[Deleted WADE anecdote about Dad]

CHELSEA: let's not get offtopic
there's sort of an unboken rule
when you're in a pun session
CHELSEA: boken out of prison
boken fingernail
were you boken up by the phone ringing?
me and my bf are now boken up
boken dreams
WADE: the truth is seldom boken
WADE: boken english
CHELSEA: i tried to publish a post on my blog, but the html code was boken
WADE: I called him as ass, now I got a boken nose
CHELSEA: quit boken around in my things!
CHELSEA: i wasn't talking to you to boken with!
WADE: you've boken my lamp, now i want money for it
CHELSEA: you're boken up the wrong tree!
WADE: my parents vacation in boken raton
CHELSEA: how to save a boken victim
CHELSEA: let the games boken!

[From Chelsea and Adam Wade.]

Happiness is a Warm Pun

2005-02-16T09:20:00.000-08:00

The following is from an email forward Michelle got!

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

9.. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko..

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

They Even Sell iBuprofen

2005-01-19T16:34:00.000-08:00

The Apple Store of the Future

[via Dong Resin]

YOUR SUGGESTED WORD: "ELUCIDATE"

2005-01-08T11:33:00.000-08:00

Elucidayton Ohio
Eluci-date and nut mix.
Eluci-date rape.
My mafia uncle always told me: "eh-you-looseadate, you find a new one."
Sam couldn't find the mysterious girl he was supposed to take to the movies because she was an elucivdate.
You know why you should never lend your underwater sea creature friend your healthy snack? Because eel-lose-a-date.

Verdict: Elucidate. Highly difficult for wordplay.

Suggest a word!

2005-01-02T16:33:00.000-08:00

As a special new feature, we here at Punrise Punset invite you to suggest a word for future puntification. If your submission gets our synapses firing--we just may use it!

In other news: We are on our way to an honorary MENSA membership, and very excited about that! Thanks for playing your part.

Love,
PUNRISEPUNSET team.

Perry Ellis Island

2005-01-02T16:21:00.000-08:00

That tr-ellis in your garden look's lovely!

Where the Wild Things Are has beautiful ellistrations.

Hey fellis, how's it goin?

(Pick accent of your choice) Ellisen to me, you not ellisening!

My brain ain't what it used to be--as a teen, I did a lot of ELLIS D.

Ellisit behavior.

Ellist of names has been posted.

Ellisabeth Hurley.

You say tomatoe, I say, to-mah-toe, ellis call the whole thing off!

Famous chellist.

Hotdog with rellis.

--Chelsea Peretti

THEME: Food, Meals, and Dishware.

2004-12-17T16:58:00.000-08:00

GUYS, I TRIED TO EDIT THIS BUT THERE'S NO POINT--IT IS OUT OF COINTREAU!!!!!

Chelsea says:
lunchback of notre dame
Michelle says:
lunch and judy
Chelsea says:
lunching an aircraft into outerspace
Michelle says:
heart a-snack
Michelle says:
snack you upside the head, boy
Chelsea says:
cherry lip-snacker
Chelsea says:
lunching a missile
Michelle says:
You've lost weight, you look dinner than ever
Chelsea says:
ah! good, meals in general---or should i say GENERAL MEALS
Michelle says:
I smeal something good
Chelsea says:
meal gibson
Michelle says:
you look like a mealion dollars
Chelsea says:
meallow yellow
Chelsea says:
i just installed a dinner lightswitch, so i can have mood lighting
Chelsea says:
Breakfast, Cheap and Out of Control
Michelle says:
Break-fast!!! You're going to hit that man!!
Chelsea says:
Desserted Island
Chelsea says:
I need to take a 10-minute cigarette break,fast!
Chelsea says:
mealion dollar smile
Chelsea says:
mealli vanilli
Chelsea says:
Revenge of the Dinnerds
Michelle says:
Thrown me Dinnerf ball
Chelsea says:
Dinner-ve of this lady!
Michelle says:
Dinnervous thief dropped the bag and ran
Chelsea says:
When did you lunch your website?
Michelle says:
You deserve a good lunch in the face for that one, friend
Chelsea says:
What? Sorry, I'm doing deep lunches right now in prep for my yoga class
Michelle says:
I had a lunch you were a fitness freak
Chelsea says:
Beer is my main coors
Michelle says:
Do you workout at Brunch or Equinox?
Michelle says:
Meal Armstrong
Chelsea says:
Dinn Rather
Michelle says:
Saints and Dinners
Chelsea says:
Reese Wither-spoons
Michelle says:
fork off, I did that yesterday
Michelle says:
Get a knife, for real
Chelsea says:
You're puns are so plate out
Michelle says:
Don't get saucer with me!
Chelsea says:
You're way off course
Chelsea says:
I now pronounce you: man and knife
Michelle says:
I work for a cup-ple of assholes
Michelle says:
I goblet my lunch down in like 2 seconds
Chelsea says:
I know, me too, i was saladating all over it like a dog
Michelle says:
Listen, if I put on some weight, sorbet it
Chelsea says:
yeah, plate it cool
Michelle says:
Don't dessert me now, friend, I knead your sup-port
Chelsea says:
spoon enough, you'll learn to love yourself
Michelle says:
I could use a nice, long nap-kin. I'm beat like a pound of red meat.
Chelsea says:
Eggs-actly what I was thinking. You really know how to ham-dle your business.
Chelsea says:
Who's your nap of kin?
Chelsea says:
Meat the Parents
Chelsea says:
Ladle by ladle, I am really growing to chair-ish these talks
Chelsea says:
Though I yearn to take a long wok

A COUPLE PUNS FOR PUNS SAKE:

It's all water punder the bridge

Pun in the oven

Holiday In Pun-a-Rise

2004-12-16T08:47:00.000-08:00

Chelsea and Michelle's Seventh Annual Holiday Pun Festival of Awesome Puns:

Michelle: Wreath Witherthpoon
Chelsea: Wreathest Link
Michelle: Wreathing the Benefits
Michellesays:
Wreathes Peethes
Chelsea: Merry Tyler Moore
Michelle: Jesus Christmas
Michelle: Holly Atcha Later
Chelsea: Roof Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Michelle: Anchors Away in a Manger
Michelle: Nativity Americans
Michelle: Candy Cane and Able
Chelsea: Elves Presley
Chelsea: The band Sliegher
Michelle: Santa Claused Me to Pee Myself
Michelle: I Santa you the package of-a spaghetti
Chelsea: Stocking the sh-elves
Michelle: Elf-deprecating
Chelsea: Elf-confident etc etc
Michelle: I sleigh me.
Chelsea: Note to Elf...
Michellesays: Grow!
Chelsea: ??
Michellesays: They're tiny
Michelle: We're on a ca-roll
Chelsea: In England: Egg Snog
Chelsea: Xmas Carol Burnett
Michelle: Judy Garland (boo)
Chelsea: Irish Pointsetta
Michelle: Pointsietta yourself down and listen to my tale
Chelsea: I need to clip my mistle-toenails

Geese Is the Bird

2004-12-15T13:27:00.000-08:00

With thanks to Chelsea and Curtis.

Oh, Poor Pun Site....We Still Love You!!

2004-12-14T17:13:00.000-08:00

Perhaps making some puns here would be better than simply creating "promotional materials" that complain about the lack of attention we have been giving this site...hmm?

Well, in honor of Chelsea's one woman show ( and my poster) some theatre puns...

I'm starting to think that my posters are a little PLAYed-out.
Someone might think this is a little...STAGED.
I tried to get ahold of Michelle, but never got a CALLBACK.
I'm laughing so much my SIDES are CURTAIN!
Well, it's been a good RUN, now it's time for you guys to UPSTAGE me...

I'm not BLOCKING anyone from posting comments, so have pun!

Posted by [Drue]

Chelsea's show info:
FLOATING PALACE:
TONITE: Tuesday, DECEMBER 14 (8pm)
& also this Thursday, DECEMBER 16 (10pm).
At Ars Nova (511 W. 54th St. btwn. 10th and 11th Ave.).
BUY TIX HERE

Straight to Video?

2004-11-10T11:10:00.000-08:00

I play the part of Abe, the blind hobo with a severe case of the shrieking giggles.

posted by [Drue]

HOT CROSSED PUNS: The Bread Post!

2004-10-14T22:45:00.000-07:00

Michelle says: hey we should do bread puns
Michelle says: This post has gone a-rye
Michelle says: Baguette off your ass and do something!
Chelsea says: you hit the nail on the bread
Michelle says: He Said, She Bread
Chelsea says: In-grained in my head
Michelle says: Roll with the punches
Chelsea says: Better off Bread
Michelle says: Wanted: Bread or Alive
Chelsea says: Be quiet. Quit your challahing!
Michelle says: stop loafing around
Michelle says: nice penny loafers
Chelsea says: Rye-ht or Wrong
Michelle says: Pumpernickel and Dime Shop
Michelle says: I like the political stylings of Paul Bagel-lia
Chelsea says:I knead to make some more dough!
Michelle says: 7 Grain in my Ass
Michelle says: Fast Food Chain Carby's
Chelsea says: She Got a Fast Carb
Chelsea says: Carb Your Enthusiasm
Chelsea says: Pimp My Rye
Michelle says: Rye Does My Hearth Feel So Bad?
Chelsea says: Everybody Loves Ryemond
Chelsea says: Heather Graham Cracker
Michelle says: Can You Tell Me How to Get To Sesame Seed?
Chelsea says: Bun Affleck
Michelle says: Pita Gallagher
Chelsea says: Nan-issue
Chelsea says: Viet-nan
Michelle says: I Hope You Feel Ciabatta
Michelle says:
http://www.j-sainsbury.co.uk/tasteofsuccess/primary/bread/types.htm
Chelsea says: Eat my panini
Michelle says: Go Focaccia Yourself
Chelsea says: The toilet is focaccia
Michelle says:
?
Chelsea says: the toilet is focaccia or fopeepee
Michelle says: You can't escape! I focaccia!

Jim and Chelsea Pun-off! THE WORD? ---> "STOCK"

2004-10-11T18:00:00.000-07:00

Hello friends, Chelsea here! Please enjoy me and Jim's wordplay session. We had a really pun time with this! Trust me, a pun time was had by all.

[Here was where our lengthy im conversation about bs and politics went. Then, just as we were supposedly wrapping up--OUT OF NOWHERE--A PUN-OFF:]

CP (7:31:24 PM): i'll talk to you later you little extremist, you!
JN (7:31:50 PM): im' not done yet chatting
CP (7:32:21 PM): HAHAHAHA are you a stock broker-- cause that was a stock joke!
JN (7:32:39 PM): it wasnt a joke chelseroo
CP (7:32:43 PM): Are you wearing STOCKings? Are you STOCKING me?
JN (7:32:58 PM): no, but i'd like to STOCK you in the face
CP (7:33:20 PM): STOCK full of nuts?
JN (7:33:33 PM): stupid stocksucker
CP (7:34:05 PM): are you standing STOCK still?
CP (7:34:37 PM): Your hair is silky as a corn STOCK!
JN (7:35:06 PM): you should be trading your awful puns on the STOCK exchange
CP (7:35:19 PM): You are a short and STOCKY guy
JN (7:35:44 PM): you were saving that one fag
CP (7:35:59 PM): no i wasn't!
JN (7:36:45 PM): you were . had it STOCKed away
CP (7:37:02 PM): dumbass what would that even mean?
CP (7:37:18 PM): like stowed? boo.
JN (7:37:35 PM): dont get literal now you creep. and no, like a fully stocked supply stupid
CP (7:37:49 PM): STOCKED UP
CP (7:37:53 PM): gotcha
JN (7:38:02 PM): like, 'chelsea's notebook was freshly stocked with awful ideas'
JN (7:38:37 PM): youre behaving like a horse's ass because you're liveSTOCK
JN (7:38:51 PM): and i want to beat you with a branch in woodSTOCK
CP (7:38:59 PM): You stock too much!
CP (7:39:09 PM): hahahaah woodstock!
CP (7:39:45 PM): If you were on Star Wars, your character would be Dr. Stock
JN (7:40:05 PM): that's star TREK you non-pop culture knowing idiot
CP (7:40:19 PM): ahhahah fuck! that was such a good one though and you know it
JN (7:40:21 PM): who are you my grandmother?
CP (7:40:27 PM): haahahaha
CP (7:42:37 PM): he shoots to kill!
CP (7:42:49 PM): lock stock and two smoking barrels!
JN (7:43:10 PM): you stink and belong in a STOCKade
CP (7:43:40 PM): You have a run in your STOCKings you fag
JN (7:44:14 PM): i think you used that one already, dont try to sneak it in again by tossing in you fag after it
CP (7:44:41 PM): Sorry. To make up for it can I offer you some soup? Do you prefer chicken or beef STOCK?
JN (7:46:01 PM): i'd like to kick you like a STOCKker ball
CP (7:46:17 PM): hahaahha
CP (7:47:31 PM): Hold on your clock is so loud, I can hear it down here: click-stock, click-stock...
JN (7:48:58 PM): i was acgtually answering a fan IM
CP (7:49:17 PM): oh please, STOCK to the hand!
JN (7:49:20 PM): oh, sorry (fan is someone who enjoys your jokes, material, etc)
CP (7:49:27 PM): hahaha
JN (7:49:45 PM): i have to shower anyway
CP (7:50:08 PM): okay. later. i'm going to post this on my pun blog. i'll obscure your identity if you like.
CP (7:50:27 PM): i know you're probably embarassed by your "effort"
JN (7:50:34 PM): no need
JN (7:50:47 PM): i'm popular in all venues
CP (7:50:56 PM): have a luxurious shower.

Latest in Pun News...

2004-10-08T16:08:00.000-07:00

Chelsea has pun it again!

Baltimore...or Less

2004-09-28T09:06:00.000-07:00

This weekend I finally found an apartment in Baltimore...

...which got me punning

Baltimore

Mining for BaltiORE.
This post is a real BaltiCHORE.
I dropped my pizza on the BaltiFLOOR.
I don’t know if I can live here, with these BaltiMORONS.
Bush should have never gotten us into this BaltiWAR.
The lion’s BaltiROAR.
BaltiPOUR me another shot!
That story is old time BaltiLORE.
What’s the BaltiSCORE on the game?
Maryland’s Ladies of the Evening: BaltiWHORES!
My feet are BaltiSORE.
This movie is a real BaltiSNORE.
Mount Vernon’s heaviest rock acts: BaltiCORE

Posted by [Drue]

Dead Beat Bloggers (Update)

2004-09-21T12:22:00.000-07:00

As some of you have noticed, the pun team has been very busy recently.

Michelle has been busy with work and Votergasm, and all of the "press junket" type stuff that goes along with that.

While Chelsea has been traveling, doing shows and struggling with her inability to smile for the camera.

Peter has just about completely fallen off of the Punrise scene, but we can't blame him....he has obligations to another comedy website.

That leaves me, Drue...and I am about to face the strangest move of my life, Baltimore.

So, what's happening with Punrise, Punset? Well, we have not forgotten you, dear readers!!

The site will continue, even if you think the Grim Reaper of Death is hovering close by...in fact, he's on vaction.

All that said, here's some Death Defying Punning!

Chronic Hell-a-tosis, you know, Bad Death
Smokin’ Crystal Deth
MacDeath
After running I need to catch my Death
Deth Comedy Jam (I suppose Deth Poety would be more current)

Gimme a Grim Beam and water
Ripped Grim from Grim
Lets go for a midnight Grim
I need to go out and Grim those hedges

Reaper by the dozen
Zoo Reaper
Street Reaper
Trapper Reaper
Carpet Reaper
When the Reaper Awakes

[posted by Drue]

ENTER THE D R A G O N

2004-09-12T20:31:00.000-07:00

"Hey! Pick up the pace, your feet are dragon!"

"Excuse me, can I get a dragon that cigarette?"

"That meeting just dragoned and on!"

Via Chelsea's blog :)

Better chocoLATE than never!

2004-09-02T16:32:00.000-07:00

And here is the Michelle and Chelsea post you've all been waiting on the edge of your office chairs for:

Hello kids! Let's have a little hot pun in the summertime!

The word/topic is: C H O C O L A T E

I'm chocolate to my appointment!

Cocoa bean stealin yo cash!

Life Behind chocolate Bars

Chocolate me out of this fat body

My periods Choco-late!

Choc Full of Nuts

Chocolate My People Go

My job requires my to Cho-colate papers 24/7

Timmy, write your answer on the Choc Board

Choc to the hand

Choc outline on the pavement

The Fudge Report

The zipper on my pants won't fudge

Cocoa breaking my heart (i wouldn't if i triiiied, oooo-whoooo, nobody kno-ows it, nobody kno-ohh-whoas)

All cocoa-d up

Cocoa Chanel

Cocoa-sign here

Costcocoa

I need a new Cocoat for the winter

Cocoa-vert Operation

Cocoa Ono

Chocolitoris

One Flew Over the Cocoa's Nest

Cocoa Ho and a Merry Old Soul

Livin La Vida Cocoa

Do the Cocoa-motion

The Pun Team In Hollywood (AKA PUNsel-Town)

2004-09-02T08:26:00.000-07:00

Michelle and Chelsea have a brand new post on the way....

I just wanted to stop in and show off the "It's A Punderful Life" poster.

The film hits theaters in about a week, just in time for the Christmas season!

Be sure to check in for details!

[Posted by Drue]

You are a KERRYing person!

2004-08-25T23:05:00.000-07:00

the things we kerry

kerry me!

kerrying on and on

kerrycloth robe

be very kerryful

kerry bears

kerrying case

hari-kerry

kerrys jubilee

strawkerries and cream

kerryoke

Mail to the Chief

2004-08-25T10:50:00.000-07:00

A friend's mother sends in a piece of fan-mail. You may need to read between the lines:

Dear Michelle,

I’m Gabe's mother and a lifelong pun aficionado. I think puns are the highest form of humor. I wrote a term paper in college all in puns.

As Gabe’s Ma, you know I appreciate smart humor, and I find your pun blog is simply Ma-velous.

You now have a place of honor on my Favorites toolbar....where I go everyday at cocktail hour for a screwdriver.

Add me to your list of fans....and believe me, I’m no blowhard.

Keep on keeping on,
Julie L.

What follows is my response letter, with Mrs. L's second e-mail back in CAPS:

Dear Mrs. L,

Thank you so much for writing!! I had to pull out my Lil' Orphan Annie decoder ring to try to catch all of the hidden meanings and word play, and like a three-year-old in a fireworks shop, had a blast.

I’M GLAD MY ATTEMPTS AT HUMOR DIDN’T BOMB.

I highly encourage you to take part in our very "active" comments section. If you choose not to comment, that's fine... the site will continue wit or wit-out you... day and night, rain or shine, weather you like it or not.

I DID POST A COMMENT ALTHOUGH AFTER SO MANY OF YOUR GOOD PUNS, IT WAS SOMEWHAT OF AN ANTI-CLIMATES.

So grab the bull by the horns and steer us in the right direction!

PARTICIPATING IS CALF THE FUN!

Thanks again,
Michelle

What the--?!! Das Spunkin Bullshit!

2004-08-24T19:26:00.000-07:00

Some of our readers (once again, thanks to all 6 of you) may have noticed one of the most belligerent commenters in Punrise, Punset history. His name is Das Spunken. And here is his story:

Hi I just wanted to say how poor your blog is. I have featured it on my site http://dasspunken.blogspot.com/.

His site goes on to call our beloved Punrise an "exceedingly piss poor excuse for prose."

To us, this sounded like the perfect opportunity to take advantage of "Das Spunken"...the only way we know how...

Das Spunken Treasure Chest

Das Spunken like a true genius

Ouch! I did something bad and Da's Spunken me!

Play Das Spunken Music, White Boy

You've Been Das Spunken'd with Ashton Kutcher

Das Spunken Word / Poetry Jam

Das Spunken Cheeks

Das SpunKen and Barbie

Bob CosDas Spunken

On halloween (drunk in pumpkin patch): Dasspunken we want!

Das Dunken Donuts

Das Bullshit!

Das Spunken Brewster

You Das Stunken the toilet up

Sid and Nancy? Das spunken rock!

Das Da Story of my Life Spunken

Das Slam Spunken

Das de way (uh-huh, uh-huh) I Spunk it!

Das Flunken Me In Math Class

Really? Das spunken incredible!

[Thanks to Chelsea and Michelle]

The Garden Of Eatin'

2004-08-23T17:05:00.000-07:00

An IM conversation with Michelle and Drue:

Drue:Lettuce talk of vegetables!
Drue:Unless the blog won't have mushroom for that.
(Michelle spends time working while at work.....what's with that?)
Michelle: Ok I'm looking to get my Tomatoe in the door somewhere else
Michelle: As I work for some real Cabbitches
Michelle: I'm in a real Car-rut of a job
Drue: Your problems could be parsley your fault....
Michelle: Only Thyme will tell
Drue: you are kind of Corny when it comes to these things
Michelle: This is the Cauliflowerst thing that's ever happened to me
Drue: That last one was Peppered with sillyness!
Drue: Don't let word Leek!
Michelle: You really know how to Celeread between the lines
Drue: So Shallot be!
Drue: You never know what will Turnip!
Michelle: Broccoli me crazy!
Drue: That was a little cucumbersome
Michelle: yes, like it
Drue: Hang on, I have the Jicama-ups
Drue:Jic! Jic!
Michelle: Bean there, pun that
Michelle: That was great - like a duel, only we're armed with our sharp wit. I think we're done!
Drue: Good, cuz I gotta pea!
Michelle:OMG

Drue signed off at 4:34:09 PM.
Michelle reconsidered asking drue to join the pun team at 4:35:01 PM.

VARIOUS PUNS

2004-08-18T13:33:00.000-07:00

UNIQUE
Unique to learn to chill
Remember when Nazis lives in Munique, Germany?
Unique-ap Looksa like itsa sprained (kneecap)
I gotta go make a poo-nique
See you soonique

RESPECT
This woodpecker respect me to death!
Those fireworks are respectacular!
My respectacles could use some polishing!
I gotta go to the optometrist... my reSPECTacles broke!
Respectre of Darkness
I can't breathe... I must have a RESPECTARATORY illness!
The olympics has no respectators this year!

CARROT (1)
Carrot on my wayward son

RETARD
Cletus retard the road for the parade. (re-tarred)
I just dropped a huge retard in the toilet
Crisco is pure retard

COFFEE
My bank charges a hugh coffee
Coffee anan is a handsome black man
Have you tried this salt water coffee? its addictive
Did he coffee you the job?
Coffee up the cash!
I have a hacking coffee
Did you buy the coffeen for your dead son yet?
I hate it when someone in an audience is coffeeing
I think Robert De Niro is really in the coffee-a
Get coffee your ass and do some work already!
I coffeel ya!
(Hiking accident--avalanche) AHHHH! I coffeel my legs!

[Thanks to Chelsea and Michelle]

Challenge!

2004-08-17T11:33:00.000-07:00

WORD: MACHETE

Took machete to the levy, but the levy was dry

Paper machete

Machete potatoes

"Are you still feeling bad, how're you?"
"Ech. I'machete"

This is a challenge to Drue.

Thanks to Chelsea and a reluctant Michelle (machete potatoes).

Godspammit!

2004-08-13T13:51:00.000-07:00

Spam I Am
Candid Spamera
Bitch, make me a Spamwhich
Two-humped Spamel
Wham bam thank you Spam
Spamela Anderson
Frankly, My Dear, I Don't Give a Spam
Vietspam
Spam by your man
Uncle Spam
Spammbled eggs
Hoover Spam
Spamcorder
Nooks and Spammies
Spammaries
Uncle Spambo
Wingspam
Afghanispam
Jennifer Anispam
Spamish Harlem

[Thanks to Chelsea and Michelle]

An Actual IM Conversation with My Mother on Her Birthday...

2004-08-13T00:29:00.000-07:00

What follows is an example of how bad puns are taking over my life:

Michelle: HAPPY BIRTHDAY
MOM: My best birthday gift ever was you
Michelle: Listen i'm all stocked up on schmaltz
MOM: There is always room for more schmaltz
Michelle: You know what i'm gonna get Dad for Hannukah?
MOM: What
Michelle: a HERRING aid
MOM: nighty night
Michelle: hahaha
Michelle: WAIT!
Michelle: gefilte kettle and have some tea
Michelle: and a goodnight's sleep
MOM: Good Night
Michelle: I fish you a happy birthday
MOM: you are the best
Michelle: get troutta here
Michelle: ya gotta a good sole
Michelle: and a snapper sensa humor
Michelle: k these are terrible
Michelle: I mean i can keep going if you want
Michelle: but you probably want to go to sleep
Michelle: hello?
Michelle: HELLO?
Michelle: speak to me!
Mom: Goodnight.
Mom signed off at 12:23:05 a.m.

Doody Calls

2004-08-12T13:22:00.000-07:00

Excrement Job!
Fecal Position
(covering ears) Stop That Kaka-phony!
Your impoodence is out of control
Quit stooling for time
Shit it Out of the Ballpark!
Crap Your Hands!
...I'm stool in love with poo...
Stoolen glances
Big to-doo
Much Adoo doo About Nothing
Doo the Right Thing
Doody Where's my Car
Excremental Illness
Turd base
"A little turdy told me..."
Turds and bees
Turds and Weigh
Turdulence
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turd-les
"I Turd it through the Grapevine..."
Read Shit and Weep
Hangin' with Mr. Pooper
Shoot some Poops
Crap Shit Logs
It takes Poo to Tango
Ass-nugget from the kitchen (as in: "I snuck it")
It takes poo to make a thing go right
"Poo Make me Feel like a Natural Woman"
Crap the whip
The Diarrheal World
DiaRhea Perlman
Don't cremate me; bury my body in a Cacaffin.
We're totally b-logging this

[Thanks to Chelsea and Michelle]

Trees Company

2004-08-12T08:03:00.000-07:00

An IM Convo with Peter and Michelle

Michelle: So todays pun topic.... trees? I figure we should start out simple.
Peter: If it proves too boring, we can spruce up the topics later
Michelle: Oak-ay that sounds good
Peter: If you can stomach this current level of puns, I warn you: you may get sycamore.
Michelle: Pine with me! That sounds balsam.
Michelle: Fir real
Peter: Oak dokey.
Michelle: Remeber the Ash you owe me? Wait till next week, and you Willow me double.
Michelle: Honestly though i think we are psychopaths.
Peter: Yeah, there's a worry of that.
Peter: Psychopathia
Peter: Pun Forest Pun
Michelle: hahaha
Michelle: GOOD ONE
Michelle shot herself in the face at 10:28:02 AM.
Peter signed off at 10:29:02 AM.

Hey, kids! We have a word-playdate!

2004-08-11T20:55:00.000-07:00

Re: APT.

If this bar were a screenwriter, it's name would be Westerly Anderson.

[Thanks to Chelsea]

Other Possible Titles For This Blog

2004-08-11T13:20:00.000-07:00

Pundon Calling
Attila the Pun
Just for Pun
PundaythroughFriday
Das Punhouse
Pun in the Oven
Girls Just Wanna Have Pun
One Pundred Days of Laughitude
Pun on Pun We're Having Some Pun in the Bedroom

[Thanks to Chelsea and Michelle]